On Strike

[Corjack]

Robert found this some where.


Suicide Bombers to Go On Strike

The Times of London

11/05/2010


Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife.

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%
this February, from 72 to only 60.

The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of
suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (BOOM), responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to
its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much
in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the
realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive market place. Thanks to
Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the
afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying
people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000
of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not
affect their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims
know what an actual virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to
paradise.